I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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