he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
