Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
