R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize