Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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