Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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