you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
