We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
