Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
