you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
