you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
