At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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