i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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