My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
