so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
