dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
