Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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