somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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