well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
