she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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