never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
