Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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