By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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