That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize