I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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