guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just forgot I was standing up.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
