That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Too much gin, very little bucket
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
