yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
