wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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