9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
