so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
