My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
