You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
