her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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