i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
