I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drunk is not a location!
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
