this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
