You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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