Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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