Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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