Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
