so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
