At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I didn't notice because vodka
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
