Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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