it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
worst night to have a conscience
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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