Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize