Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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