she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
