Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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