Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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