After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize