dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
is it fun? or sober?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize