His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
