Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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