Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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