dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
