I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
