booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
