so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it was like eating out sand paper
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
