It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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