toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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