Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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