So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
