Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You work out of a Hotel?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
