i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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