I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize