It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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