he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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