***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
