if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize