Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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