Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
