So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
