ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize