Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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