Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
